Please comment on each of the "Sagas," referencing each by #
#5 AND #6 Added for Review September 1. Don
#5. “Finally I could stop worrying about my son”
My son and I are recovering apart
My son entered treatment last month. I spoke to him today and he is thriving. He has 43 days clean and is planning a life in a new city with a new community. I am so excited for him.
For the first time in 5 years I am not spending every minute of my time worrying about him and trying to keep him alive. I'm not worried about the cops showing up on my porch. I'm not worried about finding him dead. I am working on my recovery from codependency.
My stress levels have dropped almost to zero, even with Covid. I wake up excited for the day. I am sleeping unmedicated for the first time in years.
My younger daughter is in therapy to help her process what went on in our home. She's starting to accept that the lies, theft and disrespect had nothing to do with her.
My husband and I are reconnecting. Repairing our relationship now that the wedge has been removed.
Recovery is happening all throughout our family and I could not be more grateful
#6. “Do I reach out to my ex-husband's family?”
My ex is an addict. I haven’t spoken to him in about 3 years, but he does try every once in awhile to reach out to me through my family and friends. He always says he wants to catch up or apologize. I don’t necessarily trust him enough to talk to him directly, but his family (especially his mom) will always hold a special place in my heart. Part of me feels guilty for not giving him the chance to apologize. I’m always fearful he’ll overdose before he gets to do it.
I’m not sure if writing to his mom as a mediator will do more harm than good. I don’t want any sort of relationship with him, and I honestly probably won’t forgive anything he has to say, so idk if I would just make it worse.
SAGA #1: "Overwhelmed and I Need to Quit"
Backstory: My husband and I started abusing pills together from the time we got together. I had used before but off and on. Then came our daughter and I quit cold turkey. We weren’t using much so I had minor wd symptoms. I stayed clean for about 2 years. During these years I suffered from postpartum depression, anxiety, and some psychosis. Also I got diagnosed with bipolar depression and borderline personality disorder. Not to mention my actual physical disabilities involving my back and joints that I can’t even get checked out because the US healthcare system sucks. I was lucky enough to find a nonprofit mental health program to work with. I was in therapy and on medication for my mental health at this time. My world still felt completely out of control though. Then one day my husband brings home a glowing, tiny, blue pill. I had never felt so much excitement. Immediately we cut it up and did half. Instant euphoria. All my mental health problems, family problems melted away. “Husband you have to get more” I said and he did. That was two years ago and I’m now taking 1-2 30mg pills a day.
Now: Although I’ve gone months sometimes clean, the past 6 months have kicked everything into overdrive. I’m in pain everyday. My wd kicks in every morning by 9am unless I miraculously saved something from the day before. Our finances our crumbling. I’ve borrowed money from family (I do pay them back within 2 weeks but still lying to them about the need for the money eats me away not to mention also strains our finances even more).
I don’t know how to function sober. When I’m high I can do all my housework. I can play with my kids. Is it really going to be better to be sober in bed all day in pain? I’ve tried reaching out to a low-income clinic recently but with COVID they won’t let me bring my kids to appointments and I’m a shamed. My husband is the sole bread winner and we really can’t afford for him to take time off as he works out of town usually.
I just called my psychiatrist office since I read online they do also offer substance abuse programs. I kept my questions generic. But will I be flagged as an addict for the rest of my life if I do enter this program? They said they can give shots to help wean off. Does that mean they will take away the klonopin I use for anxiety because it’s a controlled substance? What about when I’m actually able to see a doctor about my physical ailments? Will they then refuse care because I want to take the legal route finally? I’m drowning right now. My anxiety is at an all time peak.
I just don’t know what to do and this is the first place I came across. I hope I didn’t break any rules. If anyone has any knowledge or advice I would appreciate it very much. I’m stuck in this cycle of waiting to go get my pills everyday, my husband bitching about the money I’m spending, my kids not knowing why mom is in such a bad mood or sick until after her run to the “store”. I’ve been in denial for months that I’m an addict. Today I took the first step towards recovery (at least against the illegal side of this addiction). Again any help or encouragement is greatly appreciated.
SAGA #2: Looking for Closure
I don't know if this is allowed to post in here, I checked the rules but I guess I'll finish it.
Recently my dad passed away from a fentanyl overdose. He was a good man, sober for 18 years, and just recently was dealing with his first relapse in a really long time. Unfortunately whoever sold to him had laced heroin and either didn't know or didn't tell him. But I guess what I'm wondering is, was it painful? Was it long? Did he suffer? I can't really find anything about exactly how long it takes to OD on fentanyl or I guess the pain level of having that happen. Maybe someone would know?
"Was he just lying there, knowing he was dying?"
I'm sorry if this is insensitive I just need to know. Not like exactly in detail what he went through, but more just like: Was he lying there for 45 minutes knowing he was dying? or did he just die?
I just feel like I need to know what it was like for me to start to get some closure. We're not telling people how he died, we're saying it was a heart attack as not a lot of people know he was struggling with his addiction again and my dad was a very private person so he probably wouldn't have wanted everyone to know. but because we're saying it was a heart attack everyone keeps saying to me "well atleast he didn't suffer" and "atleast he probably just laid down to go to sleep and passed away" but I know that's not what happened and I feel like I need some insight into what actually happened.
"I just need some insight into what was happening"
Responses are very much appreciated and I did care about my dad a lot so some general sensitivity about the subject would also be appreciated.
#3: "What About My Liver?"
I am 27 years old. I've been taking hydros daily since 2016. I’ve taken short breaks here and there (like a month max). For a long time, I was only taking 5 mg every 4 waking hrs. In the past two years, I've gotten up to taking 20 mg every 4-6 hrs.
I've never had any problems. No constipation or shit like that. But I am wondering if there are any other health consequences I should be worried about? For example, is all this acetaminophen gonna hurt my liver?
#4: "Addiction Has Been Kicking My Ass"
I’m a paragraph. Drag me to add paragraph to your block, write your own text and edit me.
Addiction has been kicking my ass as I have become physically dependent on opiates. Now a days it’s kinda depressing since I don’t get high I just get by. I wake up sick every single day and until I get my daily fix I’m worthless.
Crazy how just a line of heroin, makes me feel good and I start cleaning the house, working, etc. however if I don’t get my daily fix I’m in bed all day with cold sweats and the WD is terrible.
I know addiction runs in my genes and I can’t help it sometimes. Opiates are great and all but they have taken control of my life. I am a slave to this. It tears me up financially and ruins all my relationships. I consider quitting every day. But I’m not In denial. I can’t quit. I tried several times kicking, but it finds me anywhere I go. I can’t go on vacation. I can’t even leave my city.
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